16.april.2003 1:59 p.m. "oh, i never should have settled down...".
- songs worth listening to lately: the thrills "one horse town" / the sleepy jackosn "this day" / the rapture "i need your love" / bent "magic love" / evan dando "all my life" / the cardigans "for what it's worth".
- the sun is out in huntington beach california for sure. not the worst life.

18.march.2003 12:24 a.m. "we all assume the worst the best we can...".
- some things in life seem really surreal. some things seem far too real. unfortunately for me, the good things always seem surreal (the angels winning the world series, the bucanneers winning the super bowl, the feeling the morning after hooking up with some girl, etc.). and, of course, the bad things always feel insanely real, like our country marching to war. i'm not against the war, i just have that "crap! why do we have to do this" feeling. "war is hell". i'm grateful that i don't know anything about that statement first hand, but if hollywood's war stories are romanticized versions, i have no interest in the real thing (no, i'm not advocating pacifism at all. stand up for what you believe in.).
- on the homefront, i walked out of a store this evening to be confronted by a homeless man looking for cigarettes. we stood and talked for a few minutes and he asked me if i had any beer (gotta love an honest guy). i told him that i don't smoke or drink to which he replied "than you are no use for me to talk to". true perhaps, but sad that his life was completely focused on cigarettes and alcohol. is it really worth it? is it that great? i don't understand the pull towards chemical addiction.
- maybe the impending war has me feeling subconciously insecure cause i drifted into tower records on the way home late tonight and picked up a couple of early 70s "soft rock" discs. yeah, it's true. i crave the stuff sometimes. not the crap peter cetera variety, but the evolution out of the byrds / buffalo springfield / hollies type stuff. i picked up "wild tales" by graham nash and "no dice" by badfinger (which has the original of "i can't live, if living is without you", made popular by Harry Nilsson and Whitney Houston).

14.march.2003 3:27 p.m. "and you've been so busy lately that you haven't found the time to open up your mind and watch the world spinning gently out of time".
- ok, so, "i'm back", to quote a friend. where did i go? who knows? and who really cares, eh? remember that lame book "men are mars, women are from venus"? apparently one of the principles in there (which countless girls have been so kind as to recount to me) is that men go into their "cave" every so often. right. we're not cavemen anymore people. let's cut the crap darwin and caveman references and stop making excuses for ourselves.
- the big headline quote today is taken from the new blur single "out of time" which isn't really going to be released for another month or so, but it's on the internet site, so you can check out the video already. it didn't do much for me the first time around (what does?), but now i dig it. very chill. very melancholy. very "zeitgeist", as they apparently say. regardless, give it a few good spins before you start bad mouthing my taste, pal.
- life is good. there is cool stuff happening everywhere.

01.feb.2003 12:23 a.m. "i was thinking of a compromise, when i saw the beauty in your eyes, it heightened something in me, so i'll say so.".
- ever wish you could go back to the early days of someone liking you? there are certain feelings there that seem to fade. or, maybe i just have a way of smashing them into oblivion. regardless, i miss it. completely... smash smash smash!!!
- i've been sick for about four days. all the usual nyquil symptoms that sap the pleasure out of life, but also usher in strangely different pleasures. i'm way more serious when i'm sick. more vulnerable. more real. less trivial. i dig it sometimes. there is a clarity that is sadly often lost during healthy times. but you probably knew that already.
- my life is boring lately. and i'm boring. my fault entirely. i pass no blame.
- you need to watch the preview to this movie coming out called "gerry". if nothing else, the soundtrack to the preview (which mort pointed out to me is "spiegel im spiegel" by arvo part - with the two 80s metal dots over the 'a' in 'part'), is one of the most gorgeous pieces of music that i've ever heard. like sigur ros sitting at a piano. also, the movie co-stars casey affleck, who is a million times cooler than his j-lo-dating brother.

23.jan.2003 12:48 a.m. "did you ever want to go, leave life to those who know?"
- sometimes things happen, you hear things, you see things, that restore your faith and make you realize that "damn, yes, this does all matter, it does work, it's real". you can email me if you want to know what i'm talking about specifically, but, suffice it to say that people can change, progress, make something infinitely more solid of their lives. it's amazing. i saw it in front of my very eyes just this evening. and if you don't believe in the human need and ability to change, pity your poor soul.
- as much as i falsely pride myself on being immune to flattery (and i am rather immune, no thanks to my healthy cynicism), i was suckered in a bit today. not in a bad way, just in an "oh, that's nice" way. random phone call from a "half-friend" that was essentially sick of being merely a "half-friend" and wanted actual "friend" status (not that it's mine to grant, i mean, "chemistry" does have a say, right?). so, we'll probably grab some food together and see how it goes. the only unfortunate twist is that i'm already under command to "make (her) laugh". huh? perhaps that's what friendships are built on. humor. not the overboard self-exposure that most people crave so much (hey, i'm entitled to knock it, i do it here in anonymity, because i tend to dread hearing it in real life and i don't want to return that non-favor to someone else). i've never been good at this friendship-building stuff, so i'll try to start anew, assuming no hidden agenda. i hope it's all as pure as it sounds...
- i hope you are rooting for the tampa bay buccaneers this weekend in the super bowl. as i've said before, there are only two teams that i am emotionally tied to in all of sports. 1 - the anaheim angels (baseball), who won the world series this year for the first time in the history of the team (which dates back to 1961). 2 - the tampa bay buccaneers (football - my mom's from tampa bay, this stop your bandwagoner cries) who are in the super bowl this weekend for the first time in the history of the team (which dates back to 1976). yes, that's right, it's my year! for the first time ever. bet your money on the bucs.


16.jan.2003 1:59 a.m. "you look a lot, lot better tonight, you and i should go out for a fight..."
- another late night. just finished watching "61*", an HBO movie about the 1961 baseball season and the Mantle/Maris race against Babe Ruth's home-run record. i'm feeling all baseball nostalgia now. i can't wait for spring training, the only good reason i can think of to go to arizona.
- i've dumped (in a rather non-articulate fashion) what's been in my head lately onto page. curiously dubbed the "state of the geno nation", there are few words and plenty of ideas.
- i read "the commitments" by roddy doyle today (and a bit last night). short, quick read. made me want to be in a soul band. but, then, what doesn't? it's my ultimate musical dream really (aside from making a living as a songwriter). i would love to play bass to some of those motown/stax/atlantic classics. soul music and baseball. i'm a cliche.

15.jan.2003 12:24 a.m. "that's it, turn the page on the day, walk away..."
- nothing much to say yet. read the lyrics to the streets c.d. in the meantime. it's far more genius than i.