. things i want my future son to learn from me .

. skipping rocks .
. cracking knuckles .
. spitting real far .
. when it's okay to spit real far .
. why he needs to learn to play a musical instrument .
. how to change a tire .
. how, while not critically acclaimed, UHF is still one of the best movies ever made .
. yet, somehow, Weird Al sucks .
. it may not be a popular opinion, but karaoke is an insult to music .
. chicks dig it if you can cook, and they dig it even more if you can clean up the mess that results .
. not every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man .
. even if you don't feel like it, read something before you go to sleep each night. you won't have time later .
. money actually does grow on trees. if you're in the produce industry .
. you won't always have a job that you love. ignore those who say that it's not worth it .
. yeah, education is that important. it sucks, huh? .
. respect authority .
. question authority .
. always be on the lookout for the sucker punch .
. don't hit girls .
. if a boy hits you, clock him good .
. i can't help you with your math .
. don't get blinded by hot chicks .
. learn the art of moving your food around so that it looks like you've eaten a lot. while i'll probably catch you, it will come in useful later in life .
. learn to type correctly .
. learn to balance a checkbook. then teach me how .
. remember who you are .
. when in doubt, ask me .
. make all your decisions like i'm staring over your shoulder .
. if i tell you to do something, you're eventually going to do it, so you might as well just do it right now .
. ignore the fact that when your mother tells me to do something, i put it off as long as possible .
. not all music is worth it .
. not many friends are worth it .
. no girl is worth it .
. you'll wish you hadn't .