As if she was not already irritated, she became even more so when she saw that his panic was as unnecessary as hers was at his young inquiry-no tears, no toys just-out-of-reach, no sibling-inflicted wounds…("Besides, I left them alone at home--Jack should be there anytime now, right?")…
"Mommy?" He could now be calm-she was still there, and, besides, he sensed her nervousness-even very young boys notice things like that….
Sometimes, when she looked at him, she could not believe that he, and several before him, were hers, had come from her…How old was she? She didn't feel "middle aged"…Maybe there had been some mistake by a book-keeper when she was born… After all, "6" is awfully close to "7" on a typewriter, and did they even have whiteout then?
"What is it, honey?" ("Are terms of endearment hypocritical when you're irritated?")
"What's a sss'niper?" his small un-trained mouth could barely form the word…
She knew, though, what he meant. Where did this come from? Why now? Why here? What kind of sick place were they living in where 3½ year-olds ask their parents questions like this? They weren't in the Middle East; they weren't in Central America; they weren't even in L.A. ("I've heard they've got gangs there…"), and yet she had to answer this question now…
"Nothing, pal-don't worry about it? It's a grown-up word…" ("That's a good excuse, right? He should forget about it…")
"But the man in the radio said…"
"I said don't worry about it…"
Her voice trembled as she hurriedly reached through the open window and fumbled with the radio controls: "In other reports…(static, annoyance)…and the count is 3…2…(static)…You're wrong! I think that he will probably try to attack…(static, panic)…It's you, girl, that I need in my life…(ahh, there it is, WDZN FM 100.1 Radio Disney)…"
"It's nothing at all…"
…And now she was, once again, not only an adult, but also a hypocrite and a liar, because it had been something, ever since she heard the first news. It was the reason that she locked the door at night; the reason that she dropped the gas-cap as she started to fill her car's tank today; the reason that she silently screamed as that white Blazer drove past…It was the reason that she now prayed that her husband would make it home each night, and, maybe, even the reason she once again felt a thrill when he walked through the front door...("How long has it been since I felt that?")…It was something and she was a liar…
("What's that? No, no-it can't be! Please oh please! NO!!!!!!
Wait, it was that Mustang…Thank goodness…I remember when my boyfriend
and I climbed into one of those and…")
"You want some ice cream, pal?"
His smile showed both that her answer had worked and that he did indeed want
some…Maybe she really was a mother of four, and a good one at that…
